Happy Zombie Easter, ya'll!

Even after the Apoc, Easter is still considered a big deal! The undead unfreeze from winter hibernation and began to roam the wasteland that is Earth once more. AND I get to wear flip flops. WOOT!

We don't hide eggs anymore though (no chickens,) we hide chocolate covered body parts. The zombies really dig it.

Happy Zombie Easter, everyone! May your body parts not be covered in chocolate and hidden in little piles of plastic grass!

Phew.

Just kidding.



APRIL FOOLS!!

Oh...NO!

Hey guess what everybody!


The World ISN'T ending!

Zombies Don't Eat Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats THEM. With a side of ketchup. And a pickle. - Miss War

Let us never again say that the Apocalypse is giving us craptastic movies!  In the wake of the shocking announcement that Sony will reboot the Spider-Man franchise with a younger, grittier, "Twilightier" version, we're now hearing (very faint) buzz that Paul Haggis is looking to give the same treatment to his classic series,"Walker, Texas Ranger."

 

BTW: THIS guy is being tapped as the new "gritty" Spidey.  When he blinks, his eyelids say "Badass" and "Awesome."

But how, you ask, could they EVER make Chuck Norris even grittier and badassier than he already is!!!??

Only Chuck Norris has the answer. And he's not in a sharing mood.

Well, after defeating every villain known to the West with his left pinkie, Chuck Norris went into a deep depression. But then as luck would have it, the Apocalypse hit! And he was back and better than ever!  Single-handedly stopping tsunamis by drinking entire oceans in a single gulp.  Eradicating subsequent droughts by taking an extended piss.  Who was there to slingshot the aliens back into orbit? Chuck Norris, that's who!  And who stopped California from slipping into the Pacific after The Big One by sewing tectonic plates back together with his own muscle fibers!? You guessed it! Chuck Norris! (Worry not, he's got enough muscle to wrap around the earth 47,000 times.)

While we have zero confirmation that plans for this already-classic-masterpiece even exists (pleasepleaseplease), it is our apoca-sworn duty to speculate on (read: make up) every possible detail.  Word from a mildly reliable source says the title will be DARK RANGER. Nice. Original. Like it.  And the plot will feature Chuck Norris going fist to sledge-hammer fist with his most vicious nemesis to date...

ZOMBIES. 

Real ones. NOT drunken trick-or-treaters.

But Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Zombies.  When Chuck Norris kills you, you STAY dead.  And when zombies try to eat Chuck Norris they choke on his titanium bones. And then he pieces himself back together.  Chuck Norris invented undead.

It looks like some zombies are about to get their shit. Fucked. UP.

I can only assume that the sequel will show us the most terrifying creature known to man: ZOMBIE CHUCK NORRIS.  I imagine that the plot will involve him roundhouse-kicking Satan in the face. Satan will then cry like a little bitch and hand over the Throne of Hell to Chuck Norris.  Chuck Norris will laugh at him, spit on the Throne, and then go skinny dipping in the River Styx.

 

Eternal Nightmares

If DARK RANGER isn't in the works, it SHOULD BE.  Comment below to sign our petition.  If you don't, Chuck Norris will...well you know.

How do zombies tweet? With their iPhones! (what? zombies need cell phones too...)- Miss War

Happy Birthday, Mr. Romero!!

In honor of visionary director George Romero's 70th birthday, the evil-tastic folks at FEARnet.com have officially declared today TWEET LIKE A ZOMBIE DAY!  We can only imagine this is somewhat like Talk Like a Pirate Day,  except you only have 140 characters with which to type "Arrrrrrrrrrrg!"

"Arrrg, braiiins arrrrrg mother smurfer!"  Hm.  Zombies DO talk like Pirates. And Smurfs.

Today we remember Romero's great contribution to the apocalypse: The Modern Zombie.  Before his masterpiece, NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD , rising from the dead had a VERY different connotation...

But thanks to Romero, today we can enjoy:

Buddy Zombies

Baby Zombies

And Dancing Zombies

So head on over to FEARnet.com, where all day they're paying tribute to the Master of Horror by posting interviews, streaming zombie-esque movies, teaching you how to move like a zombie, and other fun and festive grunt-worthy entertainment!

But don't forget to first go TWEET like a Zombie!

ILuvWar is at McBrains w  @Zombibrains & @humnsrtasty! NomNomArg!

Braaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnsss!
Miss War

Valentine's Day Gets Our Blood Pumping... - Miss War

...and our bowels moving. Maybe that's just me.

Check out this sweetness from FML.

"Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML."

We beg to differ! That's not an FML situation! That's very sweet and endearing and if any of us had a boy/halfbreed/creature say that to us, we'd get all misty-eyed and maybe pee just a little.

We will be spending Valentine's Day out and about this year! The four of us girls have plans to catch a viewing of Spinal Tap at Coolidge Corner, and then we're going out to gorge ourselves on Red Velvet cupcakes with blood red frosting from KickAss Cupcakes in Davis.

How do you intend to spend your Valentine's Day, little zombies? And don't say "hanging by a noose." We don't need the melodrama.

Favorite LOST Moments!! (Febuary2ndissocloseIcantasteit) - Miss War

******SPOILERS******

(If you haven’t watched the previous seasons, that is.  I’ve got nuthin for Season 6.  Even our powers aren't that strong. Sorry.)

The Beginning of the End is near. VERY near.  Like two-fucking-days near. 

We Horsewomen have never hidden our love for the amazingrevolutionarybestshowofalltime: LOST.  It's insanely apocalyptic --  Time travel, epic battles of good and evil, giant statues, fucking smoke monsters, purple skies, moving islands, and hot doctors, con-men, torturers, and rock stars. Still don't believe that it's got the apoco-chops to rate high on our obsession-meter? Last year, Juliet (Elizabeth Mitchell) detonated a HYDROGEN bomb. With her BARE hands. 

So how do these final days of LOST signal the end of the [our] world?  What do you think we’ve been DOING with ourselves these last 5 years???? And what are we going to DO when it’s all over??? Sure, MAD MEN gives us fodder for discussion with their fancy character flaws and deep and sociological ponderings.  But where are the crazy sci-fi theories!!!!?  They’re over there at the newest entry in the Fate vs. Destiny war, Flash Forward, but it’s still a young show and we have yet to see if the characters can capture our hearts the way the Losties have.   So unless God Whedon manages to get something NEW on the air, and FAST, we’re pretty certain the world as we know it will probably end when Jack opens his eyes for the very last time this May.

To celebrate this epic event, I want to relive some of my FAVORITE MOMENTS OF LOST:

(I tried to do just 10… I really REALLY tried…)

11. Hurley explains the island to his mother.  (5.2 “The Lie”)

Wracked with immeasurable guilt over leaving and lying, Hurley finally breaks down and confesses the truth.  In doing so, he took on the role of a crazed LOST fan trying to explain to their non-fan friends what this show is about.  It was an inside joke that had us all laughing and crying and nodding our heads in solidarity with Hurley. 

 

I feel your pain, dude.

10. Charlie shares his imaginary peanut butter with Claire.  (1.8 “Confidence Man”)

Because despite quantum physics and complicated power wars, this show is about the characters and their relationships.  And nowhere is that more apparent than in this adorable and tragic psudofamily and their quest for normalcy via…peanut butter.

 

He's a rock star AND invents sweet treats. Sexy!

 9.  Locke teaches Walt Backgammon. (1.2 “Pilot”)

Because they had the balls to give away the store in the first two hours of the series. God damn they’re good.

 

"Two players. Two sides. One is light, one is dark."

8. Sawyer lies about meds to get a kiss from Kate. (1.8 “Confidence Man”)

God I love this episode.  And I love me some Sawyer/Kate/Jack love triangle.  There are so many great moments between these three – “Caught in a net,” “Sex in a Cage,” Jack and Kate get engaged, Sawyer and Juliet play house… but the fact that Sawyer endured being "torture by a damn spinal surgeon and a genuine Iraqi solder" makes this the hottest kiss of all. 

 Oh, Sawyer. Who wouldn't want to be tied to a tree in a Jungle of Mystery with you?

7.  “We’re gonna have to take the boy.”  (1.24 “Exodus, Part 2”)

For those of us who watched from the beginning, this moment was an evil twisting knife to the gut right before THREE WHOLE MONTHS of LOST radio silence.  (Remember when the hiatuses were only three months?) A jaw-dropping moment that made us realize that LOST would mess with us for whole seasons at a time.  And we only loved it more for that.

Tricksy little Lost writers, making us think "the boy" was Aaron. * slaps forehead. Repeatedly. *

6.  Keamy kills Alex. (4.9 “The Shape of Things to Come”)

This is when LOST went from jaw-dropping to gut-dropping. “They’re not going to do go there.  Nah, that’s not going to hap…. Wait. He’s going to do it. Oh my god he’s actually going to shot –“ BANG! 

5. The reveal of Jacob’s Cabin (and the “Ghost in the Chair”). (3.20 “The Man Behind The Curtain”)

The moment a show that was twisty, mysterious, with a sci-fi edge finally took the plunge into the supernatural.  And we followed it like freaking Alice through the rabbit hole.

 Pay no attention to the Man behind the Curtain. Or actually pay lots of attention. In fact, analyze the shit out of that screencap.

 

4. Holy Shit!  Locke was in a wheelchair! (1.4 “Walkabout")

The first true “WTF!?” moment of the series.  We knew things were a little funky before this episode (Smoky, The Numbers), but this moment officially locked (pun intended) this series in as the most daring, unique show on television. 

Locke gets super pissed off when you try to tell him what he can't do.  You know, like walk...or come back from the dead...

3. Desmond and Penny’s Christmas Eve Phone Call. (4.5 “The Constant”)

If you weren’t crying like a little bitch during this quick-cut emotional scene, you have no soul.  No. For real. You may want to have that checked out.  Desmond and Penny’s love affair is the tender heart of LOST, and what could possibly be more romantic than a phone call that unites these lovers through space AND time?  And on Christmas! 

Like a baby...weeping...sobbing...jingle bells...

2.  Ben kills Locke.  (5.7 “The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham”)

Quite possibly the most brilliantly acted scene in LOST (dare I say on television?). Locke's utter desperation.  Ben’s ultimate manipulation.  Chills.

Ben finally figures out something that Locke can't do.  Breathe.

1. “Not Penny’s Boat.”  (3.22 “Through the Looking Glass”)

I’m sorry… I can’t even discuss this one… the computer is shorting out... from my tears.

Hero.

 So what are your favorite moments? Share them below and we can discuss ad nauseam and annoy the rest of the world.