Miss Death: Packing for a Quick "Getaway"

As War already mentioned, we Horsewomen are participating in the great time honored summer tradition this weekend – THE WEEKEND GETAWAY.

Back before the Dark Times, the weekend getaway was my FAVORITE type of vacation. Spontaneous, short, and destined to be jam packed full of fun and memories. Whether it was an impromptu road trip to Wine Country or the Hamptons, or a crazy weekend in Vegas NOTHING beat a weekend getaway.

Well, since the Apocalypse, the term “getaway” has changed a little bit. While it can still spark the excitement of that girls’ weekend in Cabo, sometimes the “getaway” is just THAT – getting away. And FAST. When the mutant army is banging down your door, or the floods are rising in your basements, or the rain of fiery sulfur is burning a fast hole in your roof, you’re going to need to make a quick escape. And who knows when or IF you’ll ever return. So here are a few tips on how to pack so you'll be prepared for that luxury resort weekend that has every possibility of turning into a permanent hideout.

First, you’ll want to keep your adorable weekender packed and ready to go. The responsible apocalyptic survivor keeps it easily in reach by the front door. And because you never know where you'll end up or how long you'll be gone, only pack what you will absolutely need, which is not so easy these days with the drastic climate changes.

Say you’ve fled a zombie invasion and are headed down to Mexico (or what’s left of it). You’ll need to be prepared to wake up to a blistery 140 degree morning – so a light cotton sundress, and airy sandals are all you’ll need. Well, those and your super-sunblock. And maybe a hat.

But when the acid rain starts falling, make sure you have sturdy rain boots and a compact umbrella. Preferably one lined with lead.

And we all know that there are some days that the sun just doesn’t rise. Or maybe an earthquake ripped your apart your coastline and you’ve got to book it up to Canada before the aftershocks sweep you away. You’re DEFINITELY going to want some protection against those cold, -75 degree, Canadian Nights stashed somewhere in that bag.

We all know that when you want to get more out of an outfit, mix it up with accessories! Why not carry something fashionable AND practical? Remember, you certainly don't want your merry night on the town ruined by a swarm of zombies that you can't fight off. If you've chosen your accessories wisely, you can take care of those pests while still looking great! Hidden in your getaway bag, you’ll want a solid, reliable, 9mm for day time, but something a little flashier for night. Guns not your style? Nothing classes up an outfit like a gleaming cutlass, and a thin rapier will do the trick without adding unwanted pounds to your weekender.

So pack smart. Pack light. And pack NOW!

We’re going to VEGAS, BABY!

Ta ta and to die for,
Miss Death

Miss Death: Life's a Beach

Happy Saturday all of you beautiful, beautiful people!

I know what you’re all thinking – “Miss Death is in an uncommonly good mood today. Did she eat a cookie? Invite Mr. Grim Reaper back to the coffin last night (insert “boning” joke here)? SOMETHING is going on, and I sure hope there isn’t an earthquake scheduled in China anytime soon!”

Relax, friends, it’s none of those things. (Although I DID run into Grimmy on Sunset last night, but as if I’d EVER invite him back after what his scythe did to the lining of my lovely coffin last time. Never again, Grimmy. Never. Again.)

No, readers, I’m in this uncommonly chipper mood today because it’s AUGUST 1st! The official kick off to Vacation Month! I can already feel it – the UV rays bleaching my bones, giving me that “just dead” glow. The boys whistling at my skin-and-bones bikini body that I work SO hard to get (take THAT, Grimmy!) It’s just simply the BEST. MONTH. EVER.

Now, I’m aware that some things have changed since the Apocalypse hit. (Especially for you, Coloradans. How you liking than beach front property? Pretty nice, eh?) And this is what I want to talk to you all about today. Even before the Big A was upon us, we were already keen on “beach safety.” We were aware of the skin cancer dangers, the early-aging damage, the men in inappropriately tiny banana hammocks! But now things are so much WORSE so we have to be TWICE as careful.

You might have heard that the zombies have set up shop along the shoreline. Something about the mists of the crashing waves keeping their skin moist and…on their faces. So be sure that when you’re packing up that beach tote you throw in a light, but sharp machete. My fave is the Double Edge -- for obvious reasons. Zombie brain stems won't stand a chance!

For most of the day your normal SPFs (130-290) will work. And don’t forget the super stylish sunglasses, perfect for protecting your corneas AND secretly scoping out the talent. But for that Noon hour, when the solar flares erupt as they’re wont to do these days, you’ll need something a little stronger.

And as for those sharks with legs all crawling out of the ocean and stuff... I'm all for the beach sandals, but when you see one of THOSE suckers coming at you, you're going to want to have footwear that's a LITTLE more reliable.

Say you want to extend your beach excursion into the night. During the day (except for Noon of course) you’re good to go in your sexy suit and darling cover-up. But remember, beach towns are overrun by Vamps come nightfall, so you’re going to want that perfect scarf to obscure your beating vein lines. Why tempt fate?

That’s all for now folks. Enjoy your fun in the sun and as always, be safe! The sky IS falling out there, after all.

Ta ta and to die for,
Miss Death