Learning to Love Life After LOST - Miss War

We're approaching "The End."  And I'm preparing to mourn.  As of this Sunday (11:31pm PST), I will be a regular Queen Victoria.

 They say she was mourning her Prince. I say she was mourning TWIN PEAKS.

But to be honest, I'm already starting to spiral.  I can already feel the harrowing, gaping hole that will be left when...

What? I am NOT over-dramatic! How DARE you!?

Sigh.

Ok. You're right.  I took a sacred vow to help you all survive the Apocalypse.  And it's game time, people.  Because if the end of LOST isn't the end of the World, I don't know what is.  So the last thing I should be doing right now is sobbing silently while curled up in a corner.

I know, I know.  I can hear you all loud and clear:  "Suck it up, War!"  "It's just a flipping TV show!"  "Do your JOB!"

Well stop shouting already!!! I get it. You need your "guidance."  Your "survival tips."  Fine.

Babies.

So here it is.  A list of things to help you survive this horrible, traumatic, painful void you're about to experience.  My advice for defeating LOST Withdrawal,  aka:

Miss War's Helping Hands: Learning to Love Life After LOST.  

(Coming soon to a bookseller near you.)

 "Stage One: preparation. For this you will need: one room which you will not leave; one mattress; tomato soup, ten tins of; mushroom soup, eight tins of, for consumption cold; ice cream, vanilla, one large tub of; Magnesia, Milk of, one bottle; paracetamol; mouth wash; vitamins; mineral water; Lucozade; pornography --"  Wait.  Well, the pornography is optional.

1.) MAD MEN
Matthew Weiner's Emmy-hogging love/hate song to the 60's may not have the maddening island conundrums of LOST, but Don Draper is hands down our new favorite Man of Mystery.  Add in a cast of ridiculously flawed characters, vague and haunting pasts, and a decade that's more explosive than Jughead, and you've got one hell of a water cooler show.  Just fix yourself an Old Fashioned, put on your pillbox hat, and catch up on the first three seasons while patiently (read: anxiously) awaiting Season Four - set to premier on Sunday, July 25 on AMC.

2 oz Burbon
2 dashes of bitters
1 splash of water
1 tsp of superfine sugar (superfine!)
1 maraschino cherry 
1 orange wedge





2.) Reconnect With Your Non-LOST-Lovin' Friends.
You remember them, right?  You may have last talked to them sometime around the summer of 2004, right before you started spouting theories about purgatory and the Hanso Corp.  Well, they miss you.  Take them out to dinner.  Buy them a beer.  Apologize for being insane for the last six years, and then try engaging in conversations about less controversial topics.  Like politics.  And religion.


3.) READ
LOST did not, and does not, exist in a vacuum.  The producers love to "book-bomb" episodes, especially via the nick-name savvy Sawyer, and they've openly discussed their literary influences.  (Steven King's canon, specifically "The Stand" and "The Dark Tower" series are confirmed influences.)  There are even novels that the producers haven't mentioned, but have been sighted and dissected by a bunch of crazy LOST bloggers and critics (ahem, Doc Jensen).

It's no secret. Unlike Most TV shows, Lost desperately wants us to expand our minds.  And there's something here for everyone.  Whether you're looking to further your understanding of physics and the space/time continuum, open your soul to new philosophies, or simply reacquaint yourself with the classics, Lost has a book for you!

Here are just a few suggestions to kick off your summer reading list:

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass - by Lewis Carroll
Both have inspired more episode titles than any other book ("Through the Looking Glass," "White Rabbit"). In "The Lighthouse," Jack's Sideways Son, David, is reading the The Annotated Alice. Also, both books contain themes that are, ahem, mirrored ad nauseam in LOST.

The Brief History of Time - by Steven Hawking
Steven Hawking's attempt to explain Space, Time, and Physics to us non-geniuses. Seen on Ben's bookshelf, and it's a pretty safe bet that Hawking is the namesake of one Ms. Eloise Hawking, Governess of Time and Space.

Haroun and the Sea of Stories - by Salman Rushdie
Variable Desmond is reading this before he mysteriously disappears form Sideways Flight 815. Also, confirmed but reliable crazy man, Doc Jensen, is CONVINCED this book serves as a bedrock for Season 6.

BE HERE NOW - by Ram Dass (aka: Richard Alpert)
Let me try that again. By RICHARD ALPERT.  A book on spirituality and meditation written by Ricardos' namesake.  There are 108 pages in it. One might be so inclined to flip to pages 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42.  Oh, and LOOK AT THE COVER.

Of Mice and Men -by John Steinbeck
Oh Sawyer, you quippy, pessimistic, lovable Redneck.  Of COURSE Steinbeck is your favorite author.  Every time you get even remotely close to the American Dream, someone up and yanks it out from under you. It's useless. Will anyone ever let you play house?  For a better and more intimate understanding of your favorite conman, Steinbeck's classic is a must-read.

For a more comprehensive list of Lost Literature, hop on over to Lostpedia.


4.)  TRAVEL
Hey, everybody! Guess what!  There's a whole wide world out there, and it exists OUTSIDE of your TV screen!

So you've spent six years immersed in a fictional world.  Now what?  Where do you start?

Let LOST be your guide!  Start off with a relaxing vacation in Oahu, Hawaii.  You can sunbath on the crash site beach, hike through the Ka'a'awa Valley, then go swimming in the Waimea Falls.

When you've had enough fun in the sun, take a conscience-bending tour of the British Isles and follow in Desmond's time-slipping footsteps.  Start in Desmond's home country of Scotland.  Give Edinburgh and the Highlands a whirl, but come prepared for some "end of the world type weather."  Then take the rail down for a few days in London, home of Widmore Industries.  London is full of life and magic - pay careful attention to street performers. You never know when you're going to stumble across a has-been rock star doing a cover of Oasis' "Wonderwall."  Finally, rush over to Oxford for some highbrow discussions about space/time.  And rats.

If you're feeling REALLY brave, jet off to the Outback itself. Sydney is only the beginning of your Australian adventure.  Gear up for a traditional Walkabout. Then hit the beach for some serious surfing (watch out for Dharma sharks), and finally take a tour of some traditional Australian farms.  Whatever you do, do not return to Los Angeles via any flight with a number that contains 8, 1, or 5.  We'd say Flight 397 is probably your best bet.

 "Guys, where are we?"  "Oahu, you moron."

So here we go!  Life after LOST!  I'm ready for it.  I really am.  And I hope you are now too.  If you have more ideas for how to deal with the void, share your thoughts below!


Namaste,
Miss War

Miss Death: Packing for a Quick "Getaway"

As War already mentioned, we Horsewomen are participating in the great time honored summer tradition this weekend – THE WEEKEND GETAWAY.

Back before the Dark Times, the weekend getaway was my FAVORITE type of vacation. Spontaneous, short, and destined to be jam packed full of fun and memories. Whether it was an impromptu road trip to Wine Country or the Hamptons, or a crazy weekend in Vegas NOTHING beat a weekend getaway.

Well, since the Apocalypse, the term “getaway” has changed a little bit. While it can still spark the excitement of that girls’ weekend in Cabo, sometimes the “getaway” is just THAT – getting away. And FAST. When the mutant army is banging down your door, or the floods are rising in your basements, or the rain of fiery sulfur is burning a fast hole in your roof, you’re going to need to make a quick escape. And who knows when or IF you’ll ever return. So here are a few tips on how to pack so you'll be prepared for that luxury resort weekend that has every possibility of turning into a permanent hideout.

First, you’ll want to keep your adorable weekender packed and ready to go. The responsible apocalyptic survivor keeps it easily in reach by the front door. And because you never know where you'll end up or how long you'll be gone, only pack what you will absolutely need, which is not so easy these days with the drastic climate changes.

Say you’ve fled a zombie invasion and are headed down to Mexico (or what’s left of it). You’ll need to be prepared to wake up to a blistery 140 degree morning – so a light cotton sundress, and airy sandals are all you’ll need. Well, those and your super-sunblock. And maybe a hat.

But when the acid rain starts falling, make sure you have sturdy rain boots and a compact umbrella. Preferably one lined with lead.

And we all know that there are some days that the sun just doesn’t rise. Or maybe an earthquake ripped your apart your coastline and you’ve got to book it up to Canada before the aftershocks sweep you away. You’re DEFINITELY going to want some protection against those cold, -75 degree, Canadian Nights stashed somewhere in that bag.

We all know that when you want to get more out of an outfit, mix it up with accessories! Why not carry something fashionable AND practical? Remember, you certainly don't want your merry night on the town ruined by a swarm of zombies that you can't fight off. If you've chosen your accessories wisely, you can take care of those pests while still looking great! Hidden in your getaway bag, you’ll want a solid, reliable, 9mm for day time, but something a little flashier for night. Guns not your style? Nothing classes up an outfit like a gleaming cutlass, and a thin rapier will do the trick without adding unwanted pounds to your weekender.

So pack smart. Pack light. And pack NOW!

We’re going to VEGAS, BABY!

Ta ta and to die for,
Miss Death