Halloween TV Specials to Make You Howl - Miss War

So it's Halloween afternoon.  I'm whipping up some nuclear pumpkin pie, and a meatloaf femur to take to Miss Famine's party tonight.  I'm putting the finishing touches on my costume (inspired by one of the episodes listed below), and making sure my new Zombie-Radar Gun is all ready to go. (This is a must-have for Halloween Safety - it distinguishes a REAL zombie from a COSTUME zombie).  And to keep my spirits up through all of these last minute errands, I've thrown on some of my FAVORITE Halloween TV episodes.

Let me know if there are any more I should throw into the mix, or if I'm missing YOUR favorite Halloween Special!

The Simpsons - "Treehouse of Horror V"
"At the end of the world, only cockroaches, Twinkies, and The Simpsons will survive."  Ok, so I made that up.  But as we're well past The End Of Days, and the Simpsons are on their TWENTIETH Treehouse of Horror, it feels pretty accurate.  We chose Volume V because of the classic "The Shinning" segment.  ("You have the Shinning, boy!" "Don't you mean the Shining?" "Shh! Do you want to get sued?")

South Park - "Hell on Earth"
No one does Halloween quite like Satan.  And no one does Satan quite like South Park.  Satan throws the biggest Halloween party the world/heaven/hell has ever seen.  Especially when he comes up with something that "Diddy didn't do."



Castle - "Vampire Weekend" 
Despite the fact that this episode aired barely a week ago, and I've already forgotten what the actual mystery was, it's already a classic in my book.  Richard Castle (Nathan Fillion) dressing as a "space cowboy," (aka: his very own cult character, Captain Mal Reynolds from "Firefly") is perhaps one of the most perfect moments of television ever filmed - at least for us Whedon-Geeks.  Throw in the following Buffy nods, and sneaky Dr. Horrible riff, and it was an episode to die for.

Scooby Doo and the Ghoul School

Every time I watch Scooby and Shaggy teach a boarding school of monster daughters, I feel like a little Horsegirl again. So many tricks and treats to be found as the girls of Miss Grimwood's Finishing School for Girls train to kick the boys' butts in a volleyball match.  Now that's some Ghoul Power!

How I Met Your Mother - "Slutty Pumpkin"
There's an old TV myth that says the 6th episode of a series is THE most important episode.  By this point the show has fully come into its own and if it's bad, it's never going to recover. But if it's GOOD, well, then this show is something to pay attention to.  It's very telling that the 6th episode of HIMYM is this highly memorable Slutty Pumpkin episode.  It's hard to tell what's better, Barney dressed as a penguin drinking root beer and Kahlua, or Ted dressed as a "hanging chad." In 2005.


Growing Pains - "Happy Halloween Parts 1 & 2" 
WHY you ask, is this Growing Pains episode on the list? When we think of Growing Pains do we think of frights and scares?  No.  But this episode that features the Seaver family each trying to one up each other with a scary story inspired me in my later years.  This is why the girls and I always try to one up each other with acts of destruction.  Very important in my formative years, you see.



Buffy The Vampire Slayer - "Halloween"
In a series full of horror and monster stories, there are three specifically designated Buffy Halloween episodes. We chose this one because of the clean lines, and simply classic Halloween plot.  Kids dress in cursed costumes.  Turn into said costumes. Scooby Gang saves the day.  It's magically delicious!


Quantum Leap - "The Boogieman"

Sam leaps into a horror novelist (supposedly Little Stevie King's mentor) and is given some bad advice from the Devil masquerading as hologram Al. This episode even comes with its very own Macbeth-esque curse - fans refuse to call it by name, instead referring to it as "The Halloween Episode."







It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown
"There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin."  No holiday TV special list is complete without a Peanuts Even in our darkest hours here in the Apocalypse, we an always count on Charlie Brown and friends to make us smile.

And with that, I bid you all a happy, spooky, and safe Halloween.
Miss War


PS: If you haven't guessed it yet, I'm TOTALLY going to be a Slutty Pumpkin tonight.

Apocalyptic Halloween Costumes - Miss Famine

Halloween is only one day away.  The girls and I are all set for our annual killer Halloween Party, but some of our friends have recently said they have NO idea what they should be this year.  Well, here are a few Apocalypse themed costumes, sure to be an icebreaker in any crowd.

The Obvious Costume: 2012

EITHER dress as Roland Emmerich (good luck), OR go as a Mayan running around with a calendar or blackberry. Time’s up!

The Timely Costume: SWINE FLU

Simple but effective.  Throw on a pig mask, or even a pig NOSE will do, and stick a thermometer in any of your favorite crevices. You’ll have a feverishly good time.

The Group Costume: DEAD CELEBRITIES

While you might fight over who gets to don a red leather jacket and single sparkly white glove, you’ll ALL have fun dressing as Farrah, Walter, Billy, and the slew of other celebrities that checked out this summer, making the rest of us think that the end is near.

The Couple Costume:  ANGEL AND DEVIL

Classic. Timeless. One can never go wrong with the good old Revelations costume.  Battle as Good and Evil all night, and as an extra game, see how many souls each of you can gather throughout your party.  Most names at the end wins!

The Abstract Costume:  SWISS SUPERCOLLIDER

Wear all black except for a strategically placed Swiss flag.  Hand out chocolate donut holes all night.  People may not know what you are, but they’ll sure love that you brought treats!

The Brainless Costume:  ZOMBIE

Duh.  Maybe go with someone dressed as the Swine Flu.  Be the Before and After.

The Ladies Brainless Costume:  SEXY ZOMBIE

Less cleaver.  More cleavage.

Paranormal Activity (a.k.a. "He's Just Not That Into You") - Miss War

**Contains SPOILERS**

The first half of this review tells the entire movie plot line. You've been warned.

We find ourselves in a modern townhouse in the middle of Valencia, California. The sun shines, the birds chirp. We meet a happy young couple: Katie and Micah. As the story unfolds, we learn that Katie believes there is paranormal activity going on in the house and Micah has decided to invest some good money in a high tech video camera to document the occurrences.

The activities do not seem out of the ordinary for hauntings. Katie hears footsteps and creaking sounds at night. She swears she feels something watching her, even breathing on her at times. Micah laughs it all off, only half believing her fears.

As they begin to document the nighttime occurrences, we see video footage of Katie suffering from gruesome nightmares. We see a large, dark shadow pass across the threshold to their bedroom. We see the bedroom door slam shut violently. We see a chandelier swing by itself. Finally, after Micah puts down a layer of baby powder in the hallway, we see footprints (hoofprints.)

Katie finally breaks down and tells Micah that as a child she was haunted by the same demon. She believes the demon haunts her and her alone.

During the course of this haunting, Micah shows very little sympathy. In fits of bravado he shouts macho curses at the unseen demon. He threatens to "kick the demon's ass" and puts up a fight about Katie's desire to call upon a psychic. And when she finally does, he is a total D-bag to the doc. Even against her begging him not to, he brings home a Ouija board, to disastrous consequences. His actions show that he has very little sympathy or concern for Katie's well-being. His concern is in goading the demon into some sort of Supernatural KY wrestling match. If the script had allowed for it, Micah would have made some inappropriate comments about the demon's mama.

Over the course of three weeks we see and hear the haunting escalate. Unseen things are slammed loudly into walls. The covers on their bed are pulled from them by unseen arms. Lights are turned on and off by themselves. On one particularly freaky night, we see Katie climb out of bed only to stand watch over Micah's sleeping body for an hour. She does not recall doing this.

At the climax of the haunting, we see the sheets lift over Katie's sleeping body and we see her violently yanked from the bed and dragged down the hallway. She screams for Micah who runs to pull her from the invisible arms but not before she suffers a horrendous bite mark, outlined with needle-sharp teeth marks.

Micah finally begins to take things seriously and packs the car, prepared to escape despite the psychic's warning that "It won't matter if you leave. It will follow you." He finds Katie in the hall, holding a crucifix and rocking. She tells him that everything will be ok now, and that she doesn't want to leave. But do we detect a different tone in her voice?

That night, Katie rises from the bed and stands watch over Micah again. After an hour, she turns and walks downstairs to the kitchen, where her bloodcurdling screams shake the house, waking Micah. He runs to presumably save her and suddenly, complete silence fills the house.

What happens next is horrifying and needless to say, Micah won't be starring in the sequel.

METAPHOR TIME, Y'ALL!

The movie is actually a delightful metaphor for bad relationships. It's very nearly a dark romantic comedy. Micah (who's name is pronounced ME-cuh) is such a narcissistic a-hole throughout the movie that he actually makes the hauntings worse. We can safely assume that in reality, he is Katie's Demon. His actions make her life harder and harder as the story goes on. And instead of taking any obviously safe options into account (Maybe call ANOTHER demonologist if the first is unavailable? Maybe don't bring the effing Ouija board into the house? Maybe be nice to the psychic who wants to help you?) he becomes obsessed with using the camera to document the hauntings, to the point that one might suspect he was goading the demon in order to capture more crazy shit on film.

It is vividly clear that Katie is a better person than Micah and that as a couple, she carries the weight of good decision making.

The fact that she becomes possessed in the end, kills him and escapes into the night, never to be seen again simply tells us that eventually she dumped his dumb ass and moved out. In doing so, she became a new person, never to be seen as her old self again.

This was the demonic version of "He's Just Not That Into You." And while I haven't slept in a week since seeing it (hell yeah it was scary!) I loved it and will use this as a training video for girls everywhere who suffer from bad relationship-itis.

Halloween is on it's way, protect your BRAINS! - Miss Famine

Oh I know what you're saying. "Miss Famine, what's with the melodrama? We protect our brains all the time!"

But with Halloween upon us, you know the ghouls, ghosts, vamps, were-beings, zombies and circus-folk will be out and about en masse, and you know how excited they get around this time of year.

So why not pick yourself up some cute decorations whilst protecting your adorable little brains.

And if you don't know about Etsy.com by this point, well you cute little cave-dweller, consider yourself schooled.

I was brainstorming (HA! Brains...) over this little mug o'java and I came across the Etsy Halloween Goods Feature. GAH! TWEEK! Excitement! Click...buy...click...buy...

I ordered this Zombie versus Mummy Checkerboard to bring to the party at Miss Death's house (sure to be an extravaganza). Then, I ordered another Glass Jar with an Eyeball (God knows why, I've got plenty.)

After placing these orders, I needed a stiff drink. So I placed another order for these fantabulous stemless (HA AGAIN!) Skeleton Hand Wine Glasses. (Get it? Stemless? No arms?) and then I bought another VooDoo Doll (above) because I'm sick of that bitch at Trader Joe's giving me the stink eye when I bring 13 items to the 12 item line at the checkout.

And lastly, for your enjoyment, I like dis bunny. His name is "Bandito."

So start stocking up now for what promises to be a lovely Halloween, you little brain-suckers!