Miss Famine: Dining at the End of the World

Phew. After my killer breakfast this morning I had to take a nice long hangover nap. But I’m all refreshed now, which is good because I have less than 3 hours to prep for my dinner party tonight! Dinner parties during these apocalyptic times aren’t much different than they used to be. There’s still the same pressure to serve a delicious meal and make sure your guests have an entertaining and unforgettable time!

First, I go to work on the menu. My thoughts drift back to happier, less doom and gloomy times when I could serve up a lovely poached salmon or a nice Duck Breast with Frisée Salad and Port Vinaigrette. But I quickly shake them off. Mustn’t live in the past! I’ve been scavenging the “markets” with End Of Daisy all week looking for something to make tonight’s party a little extra special. I couldn't just serve the usual Spam and Tang combo. No, this time I found THE perfect non-perishable to serve: Tac Bac – Tactical Canned Bacon! This stuff will get you through the best of times AND the worst of times.

Now that I’ve opened the bacon and set it out to “breath,” I go about setting the table. I cannot WAIT to use these amazing place settings I found while pillaging what’s left of the local Crate and Barrel. Most of

the porcelain dishes and glassware didn’t survive “The Big One,” but this pewter set is nice and solid. Also makes for great anti-zombie ammunition.

My wine rack is empty thanks to a very successful Thirsty Thursday (hence the hangover), so I’m going to have to run out and grab a few bottles. But first I’ll visit our good friend, Robert Sharker for his advice about what wine goes best with Tac Bac.

I switch out all my day-to-day candles for the "fancy candles" (Electricity what? Not since the Waveries arrived) and then select my dinner music. Some classic Duran Duran, the soundtrack to THE ROAD, and some Nick Cave, will set tonight’s mood. I have some dancing music on standby in case Conquest and War are feeling groovy later – apocalyptic funk, Sinatra and Madonna, because those never die. I hope their dates like to dance, because I’m afraid Miss Death is bringing Mr. Grim Reaper, and he’s a total buzz kill when it comes to dancing. He’s all left feet, tripping on his robe, knocking people around with his scythe…

I haven’t really prepped any party games, but I can trust the Girls to bring those up naturally. (“Never have I ever… beheaded a guy instead of breaking up with him. Ahem. DRINK

Conquest!)

Overall, I think this is going to be a successful dinner party! I even have some back up dishes incase some other friends decide to stop by. I have fresh monkey brains for the zombies and steak tartar for the vamps – and a brand new recipe for delicious Blood Fudge for dessert!

I can’t wait!

"The Apocalypse is nature’s way of saying, 'Let’s Party!'"

Miss Famine

Miss War Movie Review - DISTRICT 9: How Accurate IS it???

****WARNING**** The following contains spoilers for both DISTRICT 9 and INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS.

Oh Neill Blomkamp… I know you have all sorts of pent up apartheid angst, and much to say about your native land in this metaphorical political movie masquerading as an alien sci-fi action flick. Yes, D9 is “smart.” Yes, it’s “gritty and realistic.” Yes, it says a lot about Apartheid South Africa. And yes, it made even ME shield my evil eyes at times. (The plucking off of decaying fingernails made my manicure hurt, and a girl can only take so much juicy, squishy, slimy alien guts flying about!) Bravo, Mr. Blomkamp. You made a Horsewoman squeamish. Bravo.

Is DISTRICT 9 “good?” Sure. It's well made and there's an inventive sense of a reverse-monster movie here. The Aliens are not the monsters in D9. Humans are. How clever. Humans = monstrous. Never would have thought of that.

But that is not the point of this review. As a “First Contact” film… is it accurate?

NO.

The REAL first contact wasn’t nearly as depressing as was depicted in D9. Hell, the movie even skipped the “Welcome to Earth!” party we threw for the aliens in the Colosseum. Come on! I mean, I know I can only remember HALF of that party. (Conquest thought it’d be REALLY funny to slip me a roofie – no more watching THE HANGOVER for YOU, Conquest!) But the Girls and I worked long and hard on that party, and to “pretend” like it didn’t happen, why that’s not only RUDE… it’s just plain crazy! That’s like pretending Hitler was killed in a movie theater by a Frenchwoman and a bunch of bastards! I know you had very important things to say, Mr. Blomkamp, but if you’re going to pick a historically pivotal moment to build your film around, at least get it RIGHT.

1.) The 1^st ship did not hover over Johannesburg, South Africa. It parked itself right above a Wal-Mart in Wichita.

2.) All of the “ruling/upper” class had not been killed off by some mysterious, non-descript illness (talk about a cop-out). Instead, they greeted us willingly and introduced us to their awesome fashion sense and wickedly advanced (and ALSO fashion-forward) communication technology (something like using an iPhone to do a Vulcan Mind Meld).

3.) Catfood?? No no no no no no. Mr. Spielberg’s guess was more accurate than Mr. Blomkamp’s. The REAL aliens found candy and soda WAY more appetizing than CATFOOD. They’re also big fans of spicy beef goulash served with a nice glass of 1999 Clos des Lambrays Grand Cru Pinot Noir.

(*This “Goulash Revelation” is the reason Wolfgang Puck became the #2 most important person of the Apocalypse. Right after Will Smith. Of Course.)

4.) Catfood??? (Part 2) No no no no no no! The alien drug of choice is CLEARLY cocaine. Get it right people. Sometimes they dabble in E, but only at parties really.

5.) The first Alien-Human hybrid did not result from some slow-on-the-uptake dude spraying himself in the face with a can of Alien Hairspray-Fuel, cleverly named “MacGuffin.” It happened the way all genetic hybrids happen: MATING. Aren’t we glad that the REAL aliens are WAY hotter than the Prawns of D9? It makes for MUCH cuter alien-human babies.

Overall DISTRICT 9 is worth the price of the ticket, but not something I ever want to see again. The historical inaccuracies were just too much for me.

Peace, Love, and Mai Tais,

Miss War