Friday, July 31, 2009

Miss Famine: Brightening up the Hovel, Part One

Miss Famine here. Living in a hovel at the end of the world seems like it would be quite depressing, but really, it's just another opportunity to exercise ones creativity. So Ikea got totally infested with zombie's last month. So what? That doesn't mean a civilized person can't have a lovely home. I started out this particular project by pillaging the burned out apartment building across the street. We all need to recycle in this, our hour of need.

Take a look at what I found:

A bit rough around the edges, and little love it will be ADORABLE!

So, I took a little walk, okay a four mile walk, but its the apocalypse people, sometimes even a lady has to hoof it, down to my local hardware store. In between the gas masks and the machetes (we'll talk about how to make an adorable home made zombie killing machine soon, it's SO much fun) I found the paint department and had them mix up a pretty pale yellow.

Then, I used a simple phillips-head screw driver (yes, the one with the X shaped head, an innovation dreamed up by Henry F. Phillips) and removed the handles, hinges and everything else that didn't need a good coat of paint.

I applied one coat:

Then two more, just to make sure the paint is sold and even:

Drying time is extremely important. If you don't let your beautiful paint job get chipped, or, heaven forbid, get paint on your jeans, cuz, there are only so many perfect pairs of jeans in this Apocalypse.

Come back tomorrow for Brightening up the Hovel, Part Two - Reassembly!

Miss War - Welcome!

Hello Fellow Apocalyptees!

Let me be the first to welcome everyone to our blog. Wow, the girls and I have been planning, prepping and gearing up for what is sure to be an AWESOME apocalypse for what seems like forever (well over 5,000 years and counting, but that's really dating myself!)

We like to consider ourselves the Ladies of the Apocalypse. Behind every horseman of the apocalypse is a horsewoman with a bitchin' manicure.

C'mon, the first sign of the apocalypse was NOT letting your cuticles go to shit. Get with the program, girls! We can't just go screaming into the night in last season's Uggs and a ratty blood-splattered t-shirt. Let's go out with a bang in style.

It's not all fun and games dealing with the End of Days. Do you have any idea how much heat a flaming sword of vengeance emits? I've all but given up on fighting hair frizz. But that won't stop the girls and I from sharing our expertise on dealing with and planning for the apocalypse in style. We are just like the Sex and the City girls, but with far more ammunition. From style and dating to wedding planning and dining out during times of famine and pestilence, we've got you covered.

Your days may be numbered, but that's no excuse for not living each day to the fullest!

Here is the breakdown of how we will be blogging:

Miss War (that's me) : Movies, Music and Entertainment

Miss Death: Fashion and Style (because skinny bitches can wear anything,
and frankly, she's all skin and bones.)

Miss Famine: Dining and Travel (including dealing with emergency situations, as it were. HA!)

Miss Conquest: Dating and Social Events (because dating can be hell.)

So look for our weekly blogs on how you can go beyond just surviving the apocalypse, you can rock the apocalypse!

Peace, Love and Survival!
Miss War

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Miss Death: Signs of the Apocalypse


You might have noticed that signs of the forthcoming Apocalypse are popping up all over the place these days. Well, nothing increases your chance of survival like recognizing the signs and being PREPARED. For your safety, we'll be posting a Sign of the Week, but we're going to need some help, readers! And that's where YOU come in. Whenever you see a sign that we're approaching the End of Times, snap it, grab it, post it, or email it to!

What's that you say? A Diva Demon broke your camera during a fashion shoot? Those pesky vampires keep running away from the flash? Dropped your cell phone in a River of Blood?

Never Fear! We're not looking for pictures of our own handiwork. No, we're looking for signs that are so much worse than boils and locusts -- things that are so terrifying that even WE couldn't conceive of them...

We're looking for the things that inspire a chilling fear deep in your soul...

Things like THIS --

Seriously?! HAREM pants? As in... MC HAMMER Pants!? I only have one question for all of the designers, buyers, and retailers out there. Do me a favor. Look at your watch. And tell me. IS it Hammer Time?? IS IT!?!!?!?

Ok. Deep breaths, Death. Deep Breaths...

So we beg of you readers, send us your weak, your weary. Your stilleto sneakers. Your shoulder pads. Your inappropriately skinny jean sightings. (Who knew the Apocalypse was really the 80s?) Send us your slap bracelets!!! ('Cause trust me, when THOSE make a comeback you KNOW the end is near!). And we will proudly post them for all the world to fear!

Ta ta and to die for,
Miss Death

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Miss War - Tip #1 for Surviving the Apocalypse

In the event of the Apocalypse...

Step one: Find Will Smith.

Step two: Find a stray dog.

Movies have taught us that this strategy yields the highest probability of survival.

-The Four Horsewomen