Sunday, January 31, 2010

Favorite LOST Moments!! (Febuary2ndissocloseIcantasteit) - Miss War

(If you haven’t watched the previous seasons, that is.  I’ve got nuthin for Season 6.  Even our powers aren't that strong. Sorry.)

The Beginning of the End is near. VERY near.  Like two-fucking-days near. 

We Horsewomen have never hidden our love for the amazingrevolutionarybestshowofalltime: LOST.  It's insanely apocalyptic --  Time travel, epic battles of good and evil, giant statues, fucking smoke monsters, purple skies, moving islands, and hot doctors, con-men, torturers, and rock stars. Still don't believe that it's got the apoco-chops to rate high on our obsession-meter? Last year, Juliet (Elizabeth Mitchell) detonated a HYDROGEN bomb. With her BARE hands. 

So how do these final days of LOST signal the end of the [our] world?  What do you think we’ve been DOING with ourselves these last 5 years???? And what are we going to DO when it’s all over??? Sure, MAD MEN gives us fodder for discussion with their fancy character flaws and deep and sociological ponderings.  But where are the crazy sci-fi theories!!!!?  They’re over there at the newest entry in the Fate vs. Destiny war, Flash Forward, but it’s still a young show and we have yet to see if the characters can capture our hearts the way the Losties have.   So unless God Whedon manages to get something NEW on the air, and FAST, we’re pretty certain the world as we know it will probably end when Jack opens his eyes for the very last time this May.

To celebrate this epic event, I want to relive some of my FAVORITE MOMENTS OF LOST:

(I tried to do just 10… I really REALLY tried…)

11. Hurley explains the island to his mother.  (5.2 “The Lie”)
Wracked with immeasurable guilt over leaving and lying, Hurley finally breaks down and confesses the truth.  In doing so, he took on the role of a crazed LOST fan trying to explain to their non-fan friends what this show is about.  It was an inside joke that had us all laughing and crying and nodding our heads in solidarity with Hurley. 
I feel your pain, dude.

10. Charlie shares his imaginary peanut butter with Claire.  (1.8 “Confidence Man”)
Because despite quantum physics and complicated power wars, this show is about the characters and their relationships.  And nowhere is that more apparent than in this adorable and tragic psudofamily and their quest for normalcy via…peanut butter.

He's a rock star AND invents sweet treats. Sexy!

 9.  Locke teaches Walt Backgammon. (1.2 “Pilot”)
Because they had the balls to give away the store in the first two hours of the series. God damn they’re good.
"Two players. Two sides. One is light, one is dark."

8. Sawyer lies about meds to get a kiss from Kate. (1.8 “Confidence Man”)
God I love this episode.  And I love me some Sawyer/Kate/Jack love triangle.  There are so many great moments between these three – “Caught in a net,” “Sex in a Cage,” Jack and Kate get engaged, Sawyer and Juliet play house… but the fact that Sawyer endured being "torture by a damn spinal surgeon and a genuine Iraqi solder" makes this the hottest kiss of all. 

 Oh, Sawyer. Who wouldn't want to be tied to a tree in a Jungle of Mystery with you?

7.  “We’re gonna have to take the boy.”  (1.24 “Exodus, Part 2”)
For those of us who watched from the beginning, this moment was an evil twisting knife to the gut right before THREE WHOLE MONTHS of LOST radio silence.  (Remember when the hiatuses were only three months?) A jaw-dropping moment that made us realize that LOST would mess with us for whole seasons at a time.  And we only loved it more for that.

Tricksy little Lost writers, making us think "the boy" was Aaron. * slaps forehead. Repeatedly. *

6.  Keamy kills Alex. (4.9 “The Shape of Things to Come”)
This is when LOST went from jaw-dropping to gut-dropping. “They’re not going to do go there.  Nah, that’s not going to hap…. Wait. He’s going to do it. Oh my god he’s actually going to shot –“ BANG! 

5. The reveal of Jacob’s Cabin (and the “Ghost in the Chair”). (3.20 “The Man Behind The Curtain”)
The moment a show that was twisty, mysterious, with a sci-fi edge finally took the plunge into the supernatural.  And we followed it like freaking Alice through the rabbit hole.

 Pay no attention to the Man behind the Curtain. Or actually pay lots of attention. In fact, analyze the shit out of that screencap.
4. Holy Shit!  Locke was in a wheelchair! (1.4 “Walkabout")
The first true “WTF!?” moment of the series.  We knew things were a little funky before this episode (Smoky, The Numbers), but this moment officially locked (pun intended) this series in as the most daring, unique show on television. 

Locke gets super pissed off when you try to tell him what he can't do.  You know, like walk...or come back from the dead...

3. Desmond and Penny’s Christmas Eve Phone Call. (4.5 “The Constant”)
If you weren’t crying like a little bitch during this quick-cut emotional scene, you have no soul.  No. For real. You may want to have that checked out.  Desmond and Penny’s love affair is the tender heart of LOST, and what could possibly be more romantic than a phone call that unites these lovers through space AND time?  And on Christmas! 

Like a baby...weeping...sobbing...jingle bells...

2.  Ben kills Locke.  (5.7 “The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham”)
Quite possibly the most brilliantly acted scene in LOST (dare I say on television?). Locke's utter desperation.  Ben’s ultimate manipulation.  Chills.
Ben finally figures out something that Locke can't do.  Breathe.

1. “Not Penny’s Boat.”  (3.22 “Through the Looking Glass”)
I’m sorry… I can’t even discuss this one… the computer is shorting out... from my tears.

 So what are your favorite moments? Share them below and we can discuss ad nauseam and annoy the rest of the world. 

Friday, January 29, 2010

The Rename the iTampon Game - Miss Conquest

Let's face it.  We've stopped counting Apple Announcements as signs of the apocalypse.  They happen every few months and the world never ends as a result, no matter how much we want it to. (Remember when we all thought The Beatles were coming to iTunes? Dirty dirty lies!)

So this week, you may have been hiding in your bomb shelter and missed the "revolutionary" announcement of the new Apple Tablet.  Oh wait.  I'm sorry.  That's NOT the well thought out, aptly descriptive name.

It's the iPad.

Now. I won't spend this entire post making feminine product jokes.  I will instead let this now-ubiquitous 2005 Mad TV sketch do the talking for me.

But I think we're all in agreement that the spanking new iPad is in a little bit of a marketing (if not product development) fail zone right now.  So I would like to propose a few alternative names for this sparkly new toy:

iCantmultitask.  Disappointment in a box.

iKilljournalists.  What be this "newspaper" thingy you speak of?

iSavenot.  The Moleskine Journal company rejoices!  Pens and Paper everywhere do a happy dance!

iSlate.  No joke.  This is really just what it should have been called.

iTab.  Or this.  (See how easy this is?)

iWin! Until the Kindle can go online, at least.

iMaxi.  Get it? Get it? Sounds like iMac...

iHeavyFlow.  Because I'm a liar and have the maturity of an 11-year-old boy.

So what do YOU think it should have been named?  I'm sure between the six of us we can come up with something far more catchy.  And then we'll petition Apple to change it... and take over the world...


Thursday, January 21, 2010

End of Days - How Will You Spend Them? - Miss War

Hola Bitches. Let's get serious.

Seriously serious.

Ok, the girls and I have been a bit lazy as of recent. This laziness is reflecting in both my volume of blog posts and my ever growing thighs. (Eff you, Treadmill. I'll burn my cals with my new badass Universal Remote until this winter of discontent is over.)

So, we were imbibing the other night when Miss Death suggested from underneath her lampshade that we play the End of Days Game.

"What BE this End of Days Game," you ask? Oh, it's no different from the "Stranded on an Island" game, except that you have no chance of rescue. So, what favorite movie, book and song will you carry into the Great Abyss? Well, that's up to you (alcohol helps this game along nicely.)

See if you can top my answers (and don't get all "Apocalypse Now, Bible and Bach" on me. Be creative.)

Movie? The Big Lebowski. Why? Because you can literally watch this movie a millions times and keep finding new and interesting angles. We could analyze characters for YEARS! I mean, the Dude aside, what about Donnie? What does his death mean to the other characters? What is his back story? And Maude! And Bunny! And the Nihilists? So much to watch and discuss. (Admit it, you agree with this choice. It's a clear winner.)

Book? The Complete Calvin and Hobbes Collection. Why? See above. I know what you're saying. "What a Nerd!" But I believe in the power of this anthology for the same reason that I geek out over TBL above. You can literally read and disect every strip of that comic. It's written for an intelligent audience who still think like kids. Ah...le sigh. How I love these books.

Song? The Beatles. Imagine. No further explanation needed.

So, where do you stand? What are your top three answers?