I'm happy to report, however, that there is FINALLY a truly chic and totally apocalyptically practical fashion statement that even the most normal, every day fashionista can pull off.
The Gas Mask Bra.
It's frilly. It's pink. It's sexy. And it will keep you AND a friend breathing the next time the aliens drop a nerve gas bomb or we have another wave of the bubonic plague like last Flag Day. Is it any wonder that the creator of this amazingly chic devise, Dr. Elena Bodner, has been rewarded with the most important award of the year?
The Ig Nobel Prize. The Ig Nobles are all about those who have approached our apocalypse with a practical eye and a sense of humor. These awards are all about what's useful NOW, not what we could think about later. Other winners include scientists who have discovered how to turn tequila into diamonds and tested the severity of various levels of fullness on beer bottle injuries (turns out, the most effective bottle to hit that invading alien with is three quarters full).
While neither of these discoveries are as useful as Bodner's invention - or as illuminating that of as last years winner Kees Moeliker, who discovered a propensity for gay necrophilia in ducks that eventually led to the cure for zombism - they are worthy of notice in our apocalypse.
So, Ig Nobel Prize winners of 2009, we the Four Horsewomen of the Apocalypse salute you!