Tonight, Sony and Comcast will bring you the first extended look at the Four Horsewomen's proudest moments. At 10:45pm on EVERY major network and cable channel the world will relive our Awesome Apocalypse! We're so excited! I'm having the girls over for champagne to celebrate! Reveling in the highlights of all of our best, most inventive, most disastrous work in under two minutes will be --
Wait. What's that? What are you saying? It's NOT our Awesome Apocalypse? The one we worked so hard to bring to all of you beautiful people? Not OUR fire and brimstone? Not OUR raining sulfur? Not even OUR river of blood???? But it was so preeeeeeettttyyyy.
You mean this isn't the REAL 2012 that will debut on TV screens simultaneously across the nation like some sort of Orson Welles ruse?
It's just Roland Emmerich's INTERPRETATION of our greatest work??
Starring John Cusack?? (PLEASE say he shows up to the Apocalypse holding a boom box over his head. Cause that's kinda like my dream come true.)
Sheesh. Forgotten again. Salma Hayek was right. The Bible totally WAS written by men.