Thursday, December 31, 2009

Top Ten Apocalyptic Movies of the 00's - Miss War

It's been quite the decade-o-disaster at the multiplex my friends.  We Horsewomen do so enjoy a good apocalypse, even if Hollywood is often wrong about, well just about ever detail of the apocalypse.  So we thought we'd show our appreciation for our favorite homages to our work at this, the close of the first decade of the 21rst Century:

First... the quality entries...

28 Days Later - An indie-drama masquerading as a zombie flick, Danny Boyle's entry into the zombie-pocalypse genre is terrifying on a lot of levels. Plus, Cilian Murphy is hot, even without hair. Need we say more?

Wall-E - An apocalyptic-kids movie! Say what you will about Pixar - they've got balls of steal. Who would have thought that you could start indoctrinating the populous to look forward to the joys of the apocalypse at such a young age? Pixar has managed it though.  According to them the apocalypse features the cutest robots EVER and a lot of problems that can mostly be solved by eating right and exercising. Oh, and a tensy garbage problem.  We Horsewomen approve of exercising, eating right AND recycling, so we call this one a winner.

Children of Men - A dreary, dreary sort of apocalypse, but a pretty damn good movie.  We'll appreciate it as art and be happy that our apocalypse isn't NEARLY this grungy. Famine would never stand for it.

Sunshine - Danny Boyle explores a different, quieter sort of apocalypse in this psychological thriller about the crew sent to try to reignite the sun before the Earth freezes. The crew might self destruct - but will they be in time to prevent the death of our sun? If you've seen it, you know, if you haven't... that's not my fault, is it?

Shawn of the Dead - Putting the ha-ha in zombie attacks, this British slice of hilarity changed the name of the game when it came to horror. With a healthy dose of really great action, big scares and a few true heart strings playing moments this is a mish-mash that just works.

Cloverfield - This little movie would merit a place on this even if it's only accomplishment was being the only "hand-held" movie that hasn't made me physically ill.  I know, I know, harbinger of doom, bringer of peril, destroyer of worlds and what's my kryptonite? Shaky camera work. I'm ashamed of myself too. Beyond not being sea-sick inducing, this charming little, never quite see the monster movie manages to be fun, effective and entertaining.  The cast might be a little on the mediocre side, but it kept this Horsewoman happy for a couple of hours, so we'll accept it into our visions of the apocalypse hall of fame.

And for the cheese ball half of the list....

Land of the Dead - George A. Romero, king of the zombie movies, investigates what might happen after a zombie apocalypse in this sequel. Simon Baker is hot, the zombie hookers are gross and life after the end of it all seems like good, if a little dirty, fun. A girl can always count on Mr. Romero for a good time!

The Day After Tomorrow - Mr. Emmerich took two stabs at the apoca-genre this decade, but we're just going to pretend that The Day After Tomorrow stands alone as a representative of his work because that other movie (you know the one I'm talking about, starts with 20, ends with 12) is TERRIBLE.  Is this the best of his work? No. Is this the best apocalypse movie he's ever made? No. But no list of apocalyptic movies can be complete without an entry from Mr. Emmerich, so we've made room on the list.

I Am Legend - And in the category of movies that should have been better... We like to watch this movie for the movie it was before it was re-written via post-shoot editing.  Do you REALLY think you've convinced us that the zombie king is willing to chase his girl out into the sunlight because he's becoming LESS human? Really? But, post-focus group re-editing or not, it stars Mr. Will Smith, our number one action hero with whom to survive an apocalypse, so it belongs on our list!

Battlefield Earth - Last but certainly not least, the WORST apocalypse movie, perhaps ever. This gem goes so far beyond bad that it is kind of a fabulous apocalypse in itself.  The fact that's it's based on a religious text? Well, just icing on the cake.

That's the decade in apocali looks like ladies and gentleman. Go forth and be merry, for the end is, as always, nigh.

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