So obviously, here in the modern apocalypse, finding THE ONE is a challenge. It's no use sitting around in your hut, waiting for Mr. Perfect to come along. You have to be proactive, and that means INTERNET DATING. Hey, if I can do it, YOU can do it.
I started out my quest on EHarmony. It took me like, four days to get through the hundreds of questions they ask to form their personality profile because the of the RAMPANT mutant issue in my neighborhood. I guess the toxic sludge on the shore line attracts them, but whatever, I signed up for ocean breezes and sandy walks on the beach when I built my hut. NOT radioactive freaks.
But I digress.
So I finally finished my profile and I totally got TONS of matches right away. I email with some guys and a nice one asks me out. Just like that. WAY better than going to bars, right?
Then I get to the Starbucks where we agreed to meet, and there's totally only three girls, an alien and a zombie hanging around. I wait.
And I wait.
And I wait.
Then the ZOMBIE comes up and sits down with me.
"Excuse me, are you Conquest?"
Yes. That's right. My first internet date IS. A. ZOMBIE.
I put my happy face on, and I chat. He grunts a lot. He only tries to eat my brains once. He actually makes a kind of funny Zombie, a Rabbi and a Priest joke.
He asked me out again.
A girl's got to have standards, but you know what they say... can't judge a book by it's cover.
What do you think, should I say yes?