So, remember when we were nearing the End of Days, and all of the TV channels started flickering one by one to that damn emergency signal (and RIGHT before the premier of Flash Forward too! …That could be VERY telling I say, but I digress). Well, there was ONE channel I knew I could rely on to get me through these dark times. A channel that brought such joy, hope, and humanity to people that NO mutant army or force of nature could stop it. It was…The CARTOON NETWORK!
During one of those annoying “invasion” weekends, I opted to stay inside for obvious reasons, and discovered that the CN was playing a SCOOBY DOO marathon. 14 hours later, I realized how relevant that show is to real life, now more than ever. And I think the CN knew that too! They weren’t just entertaining me! They were trying to SAVE ME! So this is what I learned:
6. SCOOBY SNACKS: Always have rations.
You never know when you’ll be locked in a trap door basement or secret passageway, stuck in a van, or lost in a mineshaft. A box of Scooby snacks, pocket-pizza, or compact picnic basket full of sandwiches will DEFINITELY come in handy.
5. INCREASE YOUR SPEED: A good 70’s song always makes a good chase montage go much faster. Running from ghosts and ghouls was never more entertaining. AND it often inspires creative hiding places. Which brings me to # 4 –
4. BLENDING IN. Zombies and ghosts have notoriously bad eyesight. When in doubt, disguise yourself as a wax figure or a statue, hide behind a painting with eye holes, or jump in a basket or vase (there will be enough for all of you, and all in the right sizes, promise!).
3. SOMETIMES THAT ZOMBIE IS JUST A LOOTER IN DISGUISE
This one speaks for itself. If it IS just a looter, pick up the nearest chair and whack him in the face and take your stuff back (probably some sort of deed to an old plantation or aforementioned mineshaft. Sometimes a roller rink.).
2. THE IMPORTANCE OF A SCOOBY GANG
There’s safety in numbers, folks. And in these darkest of times there’s no one we rely on more than our friends.
1. ALWAYS HAVE A DOG!
This isn’t just a Scooby rule, this is THE #1 rule of the Apocalypse! Those friendly pups never die, and chances are, if you’re dog’s best friend, neither will you! (Also helps if they can talk, then they become even BETTER companions!)