Thursday, September 10, 2009

FALL TV PREVIEW!! Ringing in the Apocalypse: You're doin' it RIGHT, Networks! - Miss War

I know I owe you a review of Shane Acker’s neon-tastic animation “9,” and I promise that you’ll have it in your hot little hands soon enough.

But something strange happened last night.  Something…exciting.  Something I can't ignore... 

I came back to the hovel, clicked on the TV, and saw that listed on my once empty DVR were…

Glorious, brand new, non-repeated SHOWS.


Tricky little TV Premiere Week.  It snuck up on me like an R.O.U.S. in a Fireswamp.  Or an Asteroid on Earth.  Or a Vampire on a paper cut.
The 2009-2010 season (The First Season in the Year of Our Armageddon) isn’t just any old TV season.  And these new shows certainly aren't REGULAR shows.  No, THIS year it's going to be so much more INTERESTING.  This season is SPECIAL.  In fact…it’s down right CATASTROPHIC.
I like to think that a mandate went out across this ashen, barren, fiery Hollywoodland, and that memo demanded that all of this year's NEW shows will feature our favorite kinds of monsters and brand new end-of-the-world-type-situations!

This television season has a THEME.  And that theme is...


So sit back and put the remote down as I guide you through all of the Apocalyptic happenings coming to a TV/Hulu/Website near you – WHAT to watch, WHEN to watch it, and WHY you should rearrange your social life so that you don't miss one juicy minute of these:

When: Wednesdays at 10pm (ABC, starts 9/23)
Why it’s Apocalyptic: Once upon a time, the Devil (dressed as Jack Nicholson -- that didn't fool ANYONE) arrived in the town of Eastwick and made himself some witch-minions.  Now, in 2009, he’s doing it again.  Only this time dressed as Paul Gross.  Tune in each week to see how these Desperate Witches are in any way different than Desperate Housewives. (We're still not sure either. Toads and babies blood instead of garden boys and chardonnay? I'm in!)

When: Wednesdays at 9pm (CW, starts 9/16)
Why it's Apocalyptic: Mischa Barton returns to television in this " Gossip Girl set in the Modeling World".  If you thought Serena and Co. ushered in the beginning of the End of Humanity, TBL should give us our final deathblow.  And everyone knows there's no creature quite as terrifying as a supermodel

When: Thursdays at 8pm (CW, starts 9/10 -- That's tonight!) 
Why it's Apocalyptic:  Can't get enough of those crazy Twilight kids?  True Blood have too many orgies for your taste? (Not possible!) Miss some good old fashion Dawson-Joey-Pacey angsty teen love triangles, but were always way more into Angel-Buffy-Spike?  Boy, does the CW have just the thing for YOU.  With Vampire Diaries (which we will NOT call VD -- they didn't really think that one through, did they?), the CW gives us something totally FRESH and NEW.  Vampires?!  Teen drama?!  Shock!  Gasp!  I've never seen that before!  That's completely innovative!  Gold Star for YOU in creativity, CW!
But in all seriousness, VD (ha! I lied) gives us a not-so-fresh-off-The Island Ian Somerhalder blissfully disrupting the lives and un-lives of newcomers Nina Dobrev and Paul Wesley. (Ok, they may not be newcomers but I'VE never heard of them.)  AND...wait for it...He's a vampire!

Vampires...imagine that.  So crazy, it MIGHT just work.

When: Thursdays at 8pm (ABC, starts 9/24)
Why it's Apocalyptic: Other than making my DVR explode (SO much on Thursday at 8 - I can't keep up)?  This is possibly the most apocalyptic show of them all.  Other than a killer cast (Joseph Fiennes, John Cho, Jack Davenport, and sexy LOST alums Sonya Walger and Dominic Monaghan), the premise of this show just kicks some serious ass:  All at once, the ENTIRE population of the Earth loses consciousness.  Those that survive the catastrophic event realize that during this "black out," they all saw different flashes of the exact same moment 10 months in the future! They don't know WHY this happened (ahem, Apocalypse).   Or what's going to happen in 10 months (End of Days!).  Or what it all even means (hint: party party PARTY!).  But I sure can't wait to find out (did I already say "Apocalypse?"). 

*Why it's NOT Apocalyptic: FF may be this season's most apocalyptic show in theme, but it also may be the world's best chance of survival (boooo!).  ABC is hoping that FlashForward will become the next LOST.  And since we all know that the premiere of the sixth and FINAL season of THE. BEST. SHOW. EVER is one of the main signs of the Apocalypse, if FF is even half as life-altering as LOST, any future apocalypses might potentially be...sidestepped.  For the moment, at least.

When: Monday at 8pm (ABC, starts 11/3)
Why it's Apocalyptic:  Aliens. Invade. Earth.   ...This might as well be a documentary on the History Channel!!!!  Oh. AND Elizabeth Mitchell is the star.  You remember her right?  She won our hearts last year while playing house with Sawyer on LOST, and then she blew up The Island (or at least the time continuum) with a hydrogen bomb.  Talk about your Honorary Horsewoman.  Maybe you didn't hear me.  She detonated a HYDROGEN BOMB with her BARE HANDS.  I'm not going to lie... She makes me kind of worry about my job security.

Well, there you have it.  The Apocalyptic Line Up of 2009-2010.  Nothin' says "entertainment" like watching the world burn...

Happy Viewing!
Miss War

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