Miss Conquest: Bringing about the Apocalypse, you're doing it right - um, Where's My Gmail?

Let me tell you kids, you thought that internet dating was hard?  Trying internet dating WITHOUT YOUR EMAIL.  Hell, try doing ANYTHING in this here apocalypse without your email.  Does. Not. Work.

 If you too have been wondering what's up with your gmail, not to worry.  It's not you.  It's the apocalypse.

Um.  Excuse me?  Is that my world going up in flames?  Is it just that enormous smoke mushroom cloud hovering over the Los Angeles hills?  No, no it's not.  It's just my laptop, screaming quietly, alone in the dark.

Congratulations Google, you've found the simplest, yet most devastating way to incite the apocalypse ever.

Quit.

Gmail, you are bringing about the apocalypse in style and we Horsewomen salute you!