Friday, September 18, 2009

Killing Zombies? There's An App For That. - Miss Conquest

I finally did it. And yes, I’m a little bit proud.  And yes, you can call me a sell out or a marketing junky -- falling for catchy jingles, sleek exteriors, and bright and shiny images.  But in these dangerous times you’ve gotta stay connected and my old, non-trusty Blackberry just wasn’t cutting it anymore.  I NEEDED something new.  Something reliable and survival-ready.

And that's when I wondered... Say I'm living in a horrible post-apocalyptic, alien-invaded, zombie-infested, new-ice-age world and I want know...NOT die.

Yeah. There’s an app for that.

This week I hopped on over to the good old Apple Store and picked me up a new fangled iPhone!  And I was incredibly pleased to find that this latest iPhone is all about safety safety SAFETY.

Sure, it’s got the basics:  Internet, emails, and text messages.  No more missing important warnings like, “Do NOT take 3rd Street.  PETA Zombies are protesting non-organic, corn-fed brains!” (Now there are 2 hours I'll never get back.  Totally missed my double date with Miss Death and one of Grimmy’s friends – and he was cute too! Had all of his appendages and everything.)

And as expected, the iPhone has GoogleMaps and a compass so you can still find your way back to your hovel even when all of the landmarks have been blown up.

And there are a number of calendar options to keep track of your life (shopping with Miss Death on Tuesday, apocalyptic movie screening with War on Thursday, and Miss Conquest’s The Beatles: Rock Band Party on Saturday).  

Sure it’s got those.  Blackberries have those too.

But what Blackberries DON’T have are THESE lifesaving applications: 

BUMP – Share data with other iPhone users on the run just by holding two phones together, Vulcan Mind-Meld style.  Just be careful whom you’re melding with.  Leprosy is no picnic, folks.

URBAN SPOON – Because when your favorite deli has been raided by ROUS’s, you need to find a non-infested one right away!

HEY WHERE ARE YOU? – Never again wonder where your loved ones are after “The Big One” or the latest "Sharks-With-Legs" attack.  “Hey Where Are You?” links all of your hiding locations and safe houses together.  Beacon-tastic.

LIGHTSABER –  Obama’s got one.  Why don’t you?

TWEET DECK – Because when you overhear that someone’s going to drop a bomb (literally) you’ve gotta get the word out, STAT.

And it gets even better…

ZOMBIE ATTACK! – I’ve never seen such a realistic and useful zombie-killing simulator. Save trapped civilians from advancing zombies.  How many times have we all found ourselves in THAT situation??  It’s the perfect training app.

ZOMBIE WEATHERMAN –He doesn’t just tell you the hot and cold of it all, he tells you when it’s going to rain blood, what days will be nuclear-fallout days, and when the sun is going to explode. Better dress accordingly.

ZOMBIE NOMBIE – A teeny little zombie man for you to mess with.  Ah, pent up apocalyptic aggression.  Gone and GONE.

ZOMBIE vs. SHEEP – I haven’t even used this app yet, but it has the best title EVER.   My money’s on the sheep!

iDRACULA – Another training simulation game.  Practice makes perfect, people!  You think Buffy was just BORN an ace Slayer?? Well…ok.

APOCALYPSE ZOMBIE FISH – Other than tying Zombie vs. Sheep for the best title ever, this app features “Zombie fish” and pipe bombs.  Eventually you get to “Zombie Sharks.”  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

So help a newbie out.  What are some of your favorite survival apps, readers?   Tell me what should I download NEXT? 

1 comment:

  1. A very prestigious blog. However, this whole "app-crazy" society worries me. People's lives now seem to be encapsulated in their respective phone. It's become the ultimate, must-have gadget for both sexes. I feel almost ashamed to admit that I have an old-school phone. With no discernible talents other than letting me send and receive e-mails. Does that make me an outcast? Must I fold and give in to this hip, cell-phone clique...?